I don't know why but I'm seriously having problems starting a conversation with a girl and continuing the conversation. Every time I see you go online, I have the urge to talk to you but don't know what to talk about and fearing that I would annoy you in a certain way. Lie down on the bed every night thinking of reasons I didn't start that conversation and the answer is still blank. I've always tell myself that she is out of my league but I insisted of trying to get her. When the rejection starts to kick in, the same nightmare floods my mind, shattering the broken pieces to even smaller pieces. Maybe I'm just thinking too much but a sudden lost of self esteem can really make someone stare hopelessly at the screen waiting for that special one to start the conversation. Since the holidays started, I've been staring at the screen and constantly looking at my phone waiting for someone to start a conversation. Lifeless much. Guess this is how my holiday will start and end. The long wait have cost me a week of studies for the SPM trials. Distractions, Distractions and Distractions. Why can't I get over it so easily and concentrate on my studies. Just can't pick those small pieces of myself up and glue it back together. Thinking of all these sorrows, old memories started coming back to haunt me. I've ran after you for about 8 months before giving up. Why must you do that to me? Why can't you just tell me? Leaving me stranded in this pathetic dream full of lies and cheats. Every time I ask you about it, you just leave me waiting there for an answer and slowly disappear from my sight. When I see the way you talk to the other guys, the jealousy just makes me wanna stab you. I doubt you know how much you've hurt me by keeping things from me. Every now and then, you go online looking for me, making me feel important for that second and after a few lines, you take longer and longer to reply my questions, then you go offline. If you weren't interested, why the hell did you went on and on? I would wanna say Fuck You in your face right now.
Guess the only possible way to heal me is love, but where is the love?
